In Search of Peace
by randomdork11
Summary: Life as Headmaster of Hogwarts is difficult to say the least. Tack on being the most hated man in the wizarding world next to Voldemort and the job becomes insanely trying. Severus Snape contemplates on the many complications he faces as Dumbledore's predecessor.


_A/N: Hey, hey everybody. I guess I'm in a Harry Potter kick here lately because these one-shots just keep coming. Add on to that, the fact that I have another chapter for this one in the works already and you have one author with waaaay too many stories spinning at once! Hope you guys enjoy this little introspection._

Darkness twisted its fingers around the great castle once more. With not even the moon deigning to share its presence with those trapped inside this evening. Of the inhabitants of Hogwarts, only a few remained awake at so late an hour and only one of those dared to keep a light on in the ever lingering darkness.

Severus Snape found himself pacing the headmasters office once again. Unable to find peace even in sleep, the professor turned Headmaster resigned himself to his own insomnia. A restless energy spilled from him as he contemplated his latest conundrum.

The Carrows.

The siblings were quite the insipid duo. Thriving off the suffering of those students who crossed them, the two professors were hated by all the denizens of Hogwarts. Even the portraits and ghosts had declared their unwavering dislike of the pair. In fact the only person who garnered more hatred from the school populace was the Headmaster himself.

Said Headmaster groaned as he finally relented his pacing and sunk down onto the steps across from Dumbledore's desk. Running a hand across his face, Severus attempted to collect himself. He knew he was worn thin as he'd ever been, but he'd no idea how to find any relief from his current predicament. The only people who could talk with honestly were the portraits that lined the walls of his unwanted new office. While the paintings were great conversationalists to some degree, thy left much to be desired.

Severus had never before needed or wanted the company of others, with one exception, but now he found himself desperate for an even semi friendly face. Yet those he'd once counted as -if not friends at least colleagues, couldn't stand the sight of him. He only saw Hagrid when it was necessary to dole out punishments to the many students determined to defy the new headmasters authority. Sprout refused to even sit in the same room with him, with meals being the only exception. Not even kindly old Filius could find it within himself to exchange more than a few cordial words with Severus. Few others on the staff had liked him prior to his murder of Dumbledore and that act alone ensured that they're hatred would only grow. The only one who seemed to be enjoying the staffing change was the damnable caretaker and Severus couldn't stomach that man's glee over the new hard line rules set forth by the Ministry and Carrows.

Then there was Minerva. Despite their long-standing house rivalry, the Head of Gryffindor had always been a solid figure in Snape's life. She'd been fair to him when he was her pupil when so few others had. She'd stick her Gryffindors in detention just as quickly as she would any other miscreant students. It would be a stretch to say she'd ben warm and inviting when he received his teaching position at the school, but Minerva had been the first to accept him.

The older woman had helped him through his first years of teaching at every turn without being asked. They'd never been fast friends, but as Dumbledore served as mentor to both it was difficult to not become friendly with one another. They'd served countless missions together and had brought a cynical and stern balance to Order meetings. If Severus regretted anything about the old man's plans, it was the loss of McGonagall's support.

Following Neville Longbottom the Head of Gryffindor held the apparently coveted position of thorn in Severus's side. The two made certain that every time he'd put out one fire another was there to take its place. Longbottom and his band of rebellious students had caused the new Headmaster no end of headaches and Minerva helped those headaches very little with her constant demands that the students not be punished by the Carrows. How was he meant to keep the school safe when the denizens of the great castle hated and tried him at every turn?

Apparently he'd spent too much time thinking of his former friend because he could feel the wards around the gargoyle guarding the door spring into action. Only a Gryffindor would dare disturb him at this hour. Sighing heavily, Severus rose to his feet and occluded his mind. It wouldn't do to meet the object of his thoughts with anything less than his usual contempt.

The fiery woman burst into the office in a righteous fury that only she could make seem calm and collected.

"Neville Longbottom is being tortured on school grounds by those insidious beings you hired as teachers," Minerva hissed without any preamble.

"And what exactly would you like me to do about that Minerva?" Severus asked leaning back against the desk and fixing her with a cold stare.

"Forbidding them from using Unforgivable curse on students would be start," she responded immediately.

Without missing a step, Severus drew on the darkness that marred his soul to mask his words. "Perhaps if said students didn't break the rules they wouldn't find themselves in such troublesome predicaments."

Despite the evil she believed him capable of, Minerva managed to look shocked at his dismissal of the student's suffering. If nothing else Severus had become a master of showing people exactly what they needed or wanted to see within him.

"You can't seriously stand by and allow this to happen," Minerva breathed into the silence that lingered between them.

"Longbottom has been a thorn in my side for far too many years. If he and those dunderheaded fools choose to rebel against my authority, then they will suffer the consequences of their actions. If you have an issue with discipline methods, then I suggest taking it up with those doling it out."

If looks could kill, he had no doubt he'd be a puddle at Minerva's feet. Never one to keep her opinion on such matters to herself, the head of Gryffindor visibly squared her shoulders and faced off against his authority.

"It may have escaped your attention given the means by which you achieved this office, but you have a duty to this school and the students who attend it. That duty is to ensure their safety at all times and costs."

If she'd slapped him in the face, it might have hurt less. Severus had done everything he knew to do, in order to keep the Carrows on a short leash. He'd protect the rebellious leaders of the self proclaimed "Dumbledore's Army" repeatedly at the cost of earning the Dark Lords repeated ire. He'd never wanted this position, had never wanted to kill the only person he could truly consider a friend. However, McGonagall couldn't know that.

Keeping his emotions in check, Severus leaned towards the stern woman and sneered. "In case you hadn't noticed, there's a war going on. Unfortunately Wars have casualties. Usually those too foolish to know when to hold their tongues and when to fight go first. If the students don't learn that here, they'll never learn it elsewhere. Now unless you have any real concerns, take your leave."

"There was a time I vouched for you Severus Snape. If only I'd known then how foolish I was. You're every bit traitorous bastard they believed you to be."

With those final words she parted, leaving an unknowable grief in her wake.

Hearing the gargoyle slide back into its protective place, Severus fell to the floor in front of the Headmaster's desk. He'd never been one to display emotions, but no one was watching and it was all too much. Minerva would probably never know just how true her claims rang. He'd betrayed the only person who'd ever cared for him for power and he'd murdered his mentor for the greater good.

Burying his head in his hands, Severus wished for the end to this never ending war. But more importantly he wished for the end of the miserable existence he'd endured for far too long. Knowing that his chances of surviving this war were not likely had never frightened him, but on this night his hope for that quick ending did. Perhaps then he could finally find some sense of peace.

 _A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments or reviews sections. See you guys in the next story!_


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